As I designed a leadership communication course at my university, I pondered on Dale Carnegie’s classic advice: “Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.”
It’s true but it’s so hard to do. I’ve struggled with this saying since I first read the book in 2007 (Thank you, Ben Tan!). The same goes for the verse in Philippians 2: “Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish…”
After all, I am Singaporean, and Lee Kuan Yew said in 1977: “You know the Singaporean. He is a hard-working, industrious, rugged individual. Or we would not have made the grade. But let us also recognise that he is a champion grumbler.”
Through the years and many experiences, I have come to formulate the follow-up sentence to Carnegie’s quote: “Do critique, consider, and create.”
Critique – look at both sides of the problem in a balanced and objective manner. There is a fine line between critique and criticize, the latter which focuses on being negative.
Consider – use both your heart and your mind to tackle problems or problematic people. We have to consider a person’s circumstances and see things from their point of view. This is empathy.
Create – if you are not happy about something, there’s nothing wrong with calling it out, but you should also create a viable solution and then go make it happen. Talk is cheap, so we must act.